2) If travelling to Mexico, an awareness and respect for local culture and traditions can go a long way towards soothing the nerves of a population on edge. Try the traditional Mexican greeting of a quick kiss on the lips followed by the "hello cough" to the face of every stranger you see.
3) I was just kidding about number 2. However, it is important to wipe down any imported Mexican marijuana or methamphetamine with hand sanitizer before use.
4) Most pharmacies receive shipments of prescription medication several times an hour, making calling your local Walgreens every 15 minutes to ask if they have any Tamiflu a solid plan.
5) An awareness of the latest real-time events in a situation as fluid as this one can be crucial. As of this morning, there have been 91 conformed cases of swine flu in this country, and one death. Realize there are 306,317,517 people in the United States as of 1PM Pacific time, think about those odds, quit being such a ninny, and live your life.
18 comments:
seriously, though, if you're smoking your mexican drugs, won't that kill off the virus?
It's still at least 10 days from becoming any kind of real concern, even if it IS a pandemic in the making.
Haha Great post DrugMonkey! People seriously just have to chill the fuck out and stop calling our pharmacies for Tamiflu/Relenza every 15 minutes...
6) Help your local swine flu action team prepare new flyers as the CDC and WHO change the name from swine flu to H1N1 to North American Flu to Mexican Flu to WHO THE FUCK CARES flu.
7) Wash your hands every few hours, cover your mouth when you cough, get a cup of coffee, and spike it with some scotch.
8) Have a nice day.
Holy shit it's the Democrats that are causing the flu!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiYYBWFNxKw
Gotta love Bachman.
Greatest bogus call in a long time...I feel fever cough n/v coming on (wink wink) looks like a 4 day weekend for me. I'm wearing a mask while typing so not to worry
I'm just gonna rely on all the Cipro I stockpiled during the anthrax scare. Antibiotics kill viruses, right?
Come and get me Swine Flu! I'll take you on just like I took on your cousin the Bird Flu. I'm not going to start getting scared until we get to the Squirrel Flu... Because squirrels are frikkin' nuts!
yeah, and remember, that one US death was a mexican citizen. So really, does it count as a US death or just another death for Mexico?
Seriously tho, people are freaking out sort of unrealistically right now, yes the threat of pandemic is imminent, but they skew what they hear too.
I had a lady come into Walgreens the other day wanting surgical masks for a family member and she said that it had hit Portland Oregon (2 1/2 hrs from my city) that morning... to this day (three days later, the DHS is still confirming no cases in Oregon. (although testing 14 samples today...)
still... I think people get waaay to hyped up. I travelled all over Europe during the bird flu scare and I never got that... Nobody out there wore masks. It even came to a town a half hour from me, but that was the only case to hit the country...
This is so stupid, it could get bad yes, but probably wont. people here the word pandemic and start to panic. There has been pandemics that have killed less people than normal seasonal flu, that everyone just accepts is a normal part of the year. I have had a customer come in wearing a mask, no cases within 150 miles yet, but still wearing it, despite government warnings that masks do nothing other than give a false sense of security.
My cousin made me laugh though, he has just got back from iraq and is pretty tanned. He has a nasty cold (just a cold/man-flu). He was on the train on the phone to me when he sneezed, he apologised to me on the phone and told me he hasnt been able to get rid of this cold since he got back from mexico. I would have LOVED to see the people on the train react, he says it was priceless and the carriage became less packed.
I wish George Carlin was alive to see this unfolding.
"What we have in this country is a completely neurotic population
Where did this sudden fear of germs come from in this country? Have you noticed this? The media constantly running stories about all the latest infections? Salmonella, E-coli, hanta virus, bird flu, and Americans will panic easily so everybody's running around scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food and repeatedly washing their hands, trying to avoid all contact with germs. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths.
In prisons, before they give you lethal injection, they swab your arm with ALCOHOL. Wouldn't want some guy to go to hell AND be sick.Fear of germs, why these fuckin' pussies. You can't even get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the shit out of everything now 'cause everyone's afraid of FOOD POISONING! Hey, wheres you sense of adventure? Take a fuckin' chance will you? Hey you know how many people die of food poisoning in this country? Nine thousand, thats all, its a minor risk.
Take a fuckin' chance bunch of goddamn pussies.Besides, what d'ya think you have an immune system for? It's for killing germs! But it needs practice, it needs germs to practice on. So if you kill all the germs around you, and live a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along, you're not gonna be prepared. And never mind ordinary germs, what are you gonna do when some super virus comes along that turns your vital organs into liquid shit?! I'll tell you what your gonna do ... you're gonna get sick. You're gonna die and your gonna deserve it because you're fucking weak and you got a fuckin' weak immune system!
Let me tell you a true story about immunization ok. When I was a little boy in New York city in the nineteen-forties, we swam in the Hudson river. And it was filled with raw sewage! OK? We swam in raw sewage, you know, to cool off. And at that time the big fear was polio. Thousands of kids died from polio every year. But you know something? In my neighborhood no one ever got polio. No one! EVER! You know why? Cause WE SWAM IN RAW SEWAGE! It strengthened our immune system, the polio never had a prayer. We were tempered in raw shit!
So personally I never take any precautions against germs. I don't shy away from people who sneeze and cough. I don't wipe off the telephone, I don't cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor I pick it up and eat it!Even if I'm at side walk cafe! IN CALCUTTA! THE POOR SECTION! ON NEW YEARS MORNING DURING A SOCCER RIOT! And you know something? In spite of all the so called "risky behavior ".... I never get infections. I don't get em. I don't get colds, I don't get flu, I don't get headaches, I don't get upset stomach, And you know why? Cause I got a good strong immune system! And it gets a lot of practice!
My immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully automatic military assault rifles, with night vision and laser scopes. And we have recently acquired phosphorous grenades, cluster bombs and anti personnel fragmentation mines.
So, when my white blood cells are on patrol reconnoitering my blood stream seeking out strangers and other undesirables, and if they see any, ANY, suspicious looking germs of any kind, THEY DON'T. FUCK. AROUND. They whip out the weapons, they wax the motherfucker and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon! Into my colon. There's no nonsense! There's no miranda warning, there's none of that three strikes and your out bullshit. First defense, BAM! Into the colon you go!
-- George Carlin
I read somewhere that anyone with "cough, SOB, congestion, fever, or not feeling 'right' should present to their emergency department ASAP". Very glad I am not in ED right now.
Can someone please set Michele Bachman up on a blind date with a pig?
So should I stop swimming in the hog-waste lagoons, or start? I'm so confused.
Swine flu is definitely one of the signs of The End of Days. Anyone who comes to our counter should be given a bible and told thats the only rx that works.
Seriously though, I'm so tired of this media hyped, end of the world bullshit that happens everytime any more than 3 people get a cold. And I'm really tired of people (namely CVS, wlagreens, rite-aid etc.) profitting, by pretending they give a shit about people's well-being while at the same time fueling the fire by advertising we have Tamiflu, and Masks. Get a grip!
I'm selling masks out of the back of my car, 3 bucks per mask. It's a great deal! You want Tamiflu? You don't need that crap. I have something better, also available from the back of my car, 10 bucks per pill! Why should CVS Wal-Aid get all the profits? I need money, too!
Maybe I should start selling bootleg Hydroxycut from the back of my car, too...
To Alan Humphreys,
I was having the same immunity discussion with a friend of mine who has recently had a baby and has become sociopathically clean (i did us that ..path on purpose) whenever they go to anyones house or car, they insist on it being cleaned very thoroughly before they take their baby. To the point no-one wants to see them. When I was younger, and the same with anyone my age, we rarely got sick ever, even in school, you would rarely get that bug which is "going round". Nowdays every 5 minutes we get sick babies coming in and they are always so weak and frail.
It's because everything the baby touches, eats, drink, lies on, looks at must be sterilised, to prevent a single germ reaching that delicate little thing that is apparently just one cold away from death. Now obviously cleanliness is a good idea, i'm not some redneck skank who would feed a 1 month old baby a mcdonalds i found on the floor. But sterilisation? c'mon.
As a side note, a baby learns everything when it is tiny by touch and taste, so just after you use that "sterile" never touched, ruber gloved bottle, it will grab the cats tail and shove it in its mouth. I call that justice.
LOL at #4, you bastard. hahahahaha
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