Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Add Pandora.com To The List Of Things That May Eventually Push Me Over The Edge.

Most of you are probably familiar with Pandora.com. For those of you that are not I'll tell you it's an Internet radio station whose premise is it will play only songs you like. You go to the site, tell Pandora.com the names of a few bands you're into, and wala... their music soon starts to fill the room. 

But wait. There's more. Pandora.com will soon start to seek out other bands that it thinks you might like and add them to its playlist. Bands you've never heard of. It was at this point I fell in love with Pandora.com. The Killers. Who knew you kids were listening to anything decent these days? Black Flag. I always suspected I would like Black Flag. Pandora.com confirmed it. Yes, for the first time since.....um.....ever....I was in love.

Then Pandora.com started pulling up bands I hate. Absolutely loathe. And finding the one track in their 30 year career that didn't suck. I'm looking at you Ozzy Osbourne. It was at this point I gained a touch of fear of Pandora.com. Was I that easy to figure out? What would happen if the machines ever decided to use this power for evil? I tried to remain calm and show no emotion as I listened to "Crazy Train." I decided working off some calories might be the best way to take my mind off the power of Pandora.com

My legs groaned as I mounted the stationary bike for the zillionth day in a row. My exercise routine sorely lacks in variety, and my thighs mounted a protest. "Can you please just work something else?" they pleaded. "Your arms are getting kinda soft if you haven't noticed, just sayin'"

So I knew almost from the start of the pedaling it was gonna be a slog. There are good days and bad days and setting a personal best every time you do something is impossible I realize. So I told myself to just suck it up and tough it out. Three-quarters of the way through my scheduled bike time, as I was huffing and puffing and wheezing and crying, it became clear I was not gonna put up the kind of numbers on the exercise bike that I had become accustomed to, and Pandora.com started to play some of the wussiest, slowest, chick-flick movie soundtrack songs that no way could have fit into whatever algorithm Pandora.com has in my file.

Pandora.com was making fun of my performance.

"What are you trying to say?" I sneered at the computer as my time was drawing to a close. "You want a piece of me? Huh? Do you? Then you just give me one more of those god-awful Goo Goo Doll pieces of crap"

I was in a lover's spat with Pandora.com. I seriously wanted to slap it. I think I need to get out of the condo this weekend. Make some contact with people. Whatever the result, it surely won't be as bad as getting in a fight with a website. 

Even though the website started it. Fucking Bee Gees.

6 comments:

Jessica said...

AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
Pandora.com can be a punk. Every time I log in, it tries to make me listen to Bob Dylan. I hate Bob Dylan with a fiery passion. And yet Pandora.com keeps trying.....

new on staff said...

My pandora station plays a whole bunch of international (read: British) chicks who sing soul...

...and occasionally, it adds in Gospel music.

...and pieces of the Trapped in the Closet series.

I happen to think my Pandora is just a little kinky, that's all.

PS: I think I need to get out of the condo this weekend. Make some contact with people. Whatever the result, it surely won't be as bad as getting in a fight with a website. You mean.. work?

I can't believe you never listened to The Killers before.

Anonymous said...

The Goo Goo Dolls aren't crap...

Beth in TX said...

Oh my dear Drug Monkey! I feel your pain! I've given up on trying to tell Pandora to stop playing crap! By the way, check out Blue Foundation. See if you like their sound. I love them!

Frank, CPhT said...

The Pandora opens her box, and releases all kinds of demons into my computer. I stare at her with fiery anger and shout "No! NO! Bad Pandora!" And she whimpers, and gives me puppy dog eyes, so I relent momentarily, and close her window. That'll teach her a lesson.

55evelyn said...

Try imeem, they are better than pandora. They have a bigger selection, videos, twitter updates, mail, comments, etc.. They are really good at picking out music I like.

www.imeem.com